Food Fight no Jutsu
by KibatheWolf97
Summary: When Kiba and Naruto hold a cookout and their friends show up late, an epic but real messy food battle breaks out between the two before the party even starts! It's just what happens when Kiba and Naruto buy too much food. NO HOMO. RATED T FOR LANGUAGE.


_((A.N: This is a funny one, I planned on it being a oneshot BUT I had too much fun writing and didn't want to stop. Teehee. This takes place in a modern world, meaning they are not ninjas. No intended pairings, just a really close friendship. _  
><em>WARNING: This fiction contains lots of cake, ketchup and pudding.<br>Naruto aint mine. If it was mine, everyone would be flipping tables due to how much Kiba I would add.  
>HERE Y'ALL GO))<em>

**Food Fight no Jutsu!**

Burgers, chips, pizza, cupcakes, pudding, ice cream, chocolate milk and LOTS of root beer!  
>My frickin' favorite!<br>It was going to be an interesting little picnic, yes it was. My buddy Naruto and I held a cookout in my backyard to celebrate the first day of summer.  
>And boy, it was most definatley summer! With 80°F weather, not a cloud in the sky and all the daylight in the world; it was a total cookout day.<p>

But because it was so damn hot, we didn't get the 40 friends we had originally invited. We got 5; Sasuke, Choji, Shikamaru, Ino and Sakura.  
>That was enough (believe me!)<br>However the sudden realization of our lack of guests caused one problem; we were over our head in food. Naru and I had gotten SO much food ahead of time. We had gotten enough snacks and drinks to feed 40+ mouths and turns out, we only had to feed 8 mouths. Well, Choji counts as 4 mouths… so make that 13 mouths! But that still left us with an 18-wheeler full of junk food. So what were we gonna do with it? I'll get to that later, let me just tell you how it all started.

The beginning time we set was 12:00, but you know how people ALWAYS show up either 2 hours early or 2 hours late. And in this case, they were 2 hours late!  
>So with all the food set out, all the water balloons filled up and the stereo set on a station full of hit songs; me and Naruto were left sitting on a picnic table in the shade making teepees out of plastic knives in dead silence.<br>But then Naruto broke it after about 30 minutes. "Try texting them, Kiba! I'm TOTALLY bored!"  
>"I already did. All 5 of them. They just haven't replied…" I said.<br>Naruto huffed, "I think they're purposely making us wait a billion hours to start partying…" he added another knife to his plastic Indian hut.  
>"I know! What are they doing that's taking so long? Getting ready? Seriously! I don't think they realize it's us they're hangin' with!" I rubbed sweat off my forehead and looked at Naruto, who'd replied by grumbling something inaudible.<p>

Then my blonde friend lept forward towards a pizza box, flipped it open and grabbed a piece of cheese and meatball pizza. He took a cupcake as well as he sat back down.  
>"Hey, don't eat those now." I said quickly.<br>"Why? Are we gonna run out or something?" Naruto rolled his eyes sarcastically, "Besides, the pizza's gonna get cold…"  
>I laughed aloud, "COLD? In this weather? Dude, I think the pizza might actually be hotter than it was when it came out of the oven!"<br>Naruto shrugged and took a bite of his cupcake, he didn't bother to grab a plate so he held the pizza in his left hand and the vanilla frosted, fluffy little cupcake in the other. Watching him devour the sweet pastry had me finding my stomach to be rumbling a bit.  
>But it went away when Naruto swallowed the cake and asked, "where'd you put the ice cream and the chocolate milk?" while wiping frosting off his nose.<br>"The fridge, obviously. Why?"  
>"I want to make a milkshake!" Naruto grinned.<p>

Milkshake. The idea itself made my mouth water. I had hoped to start making the shakes later as a pickup if the party got lame, but my taste buds were sentimentally begging on their knees(taste bud anatomy?) to taste the sweet, chocolaty thickness of a homemade shake.

"Deal." I nodded, I stood up and walked into the house, Naruto began to chomp on his pizza.

Swinging the fridge open, I saw a gallon of chocolate milk gleaming with condensation right away.  
>And it had a brown cow on it.<br>Screw the Nesquik bunny, milk comes from cows! So any chocolate milk with a brown cow on the front, is destined to be some kicka** milk!

I grabbed the milk jug and then the chocolate ice cream from the freezer as well.  
>Then, just as I stepped foot outside the door, I heard Naruto order, "Kiba! The pudding too!"<p>

Back in the house, I went. I opened the fridge and snatched up the container full of chocolate pudding. He was bossing me around alright, but have you ever added pudding to a chocolate milkshake? Let's just say it's like making liquid chocolate cake!

Outside again, I put the milkshake ingredients on the shady picnic table. Naruto jumped straight to it, "let's mix these suckers!" he cheered, beginning to scoop ice cream into one of the glasses I had also set out.  
>I began to scoop as well, nodding my head along to the LMFAO song playing on the radio.<p>

And it all began when Naruto poured chocolate milk into his glass. It filled up quick, so quick it over flowed and Naruto tried to put the jug down. However, he ended up spilling a bunch from the jug.  
>"Oh you idiot!" I growled, half laughing my head off.<br>"Whoops!" Naruto yelped, frantically wiping it up with a nearby stack of napkins.

Meanwhile, I started pouring the milk (that hadn't been spilled) into my glass. I was careful not to overfill it like Naruto did. I plopped in a few spoonfuls of pudding, and then stirred it all together, making a creamy combination of chocolate milk, ice cream and pudding. Naruto managed to mix his together as well.

But just as I was about to take the first sip, Naruto stopped me. "Let's have a toast!' he suggested.  
>"A toast to what?"<br>Naruto began to laugh, making me a little suspicious. I knew he was probably gonna say or do something stupid, so I was on my guard. "How about a toast to all this extra food?"  
>"Why?" I asked.<br>"STOP ASKING QUESTIONS AND RAISE YOUR GLASS!"  
>I gave up questioning his logic and obeyed, "To extra food!" we both cheered, I brought my glass forward and he brought his forward.<p>

But Naruto's didn't clink against mine. He threw most of his milkshake **directly** at my face;

**And started a war.**

It splattered messily over my left eye and splashed up into my bangs, and man, it was frickin' cold. It dribbled down my cheek and I sat there for a few seconds trying to process what that idiot had just done. But before Naruto could even start laughing at me, I wiped my face, stood up and yelled, "ohohoho, you little sh**! Now I know what's gonna happen to all this 'extra food'"

Naruto stood up quick, "It took you that long!" he cackled, he picked up another cupcake. But not for eating.  
>"So you wanna go now!" I took a sip of my shake and prepared to shove the rest down that idiot's pants. "Alright. A food fight it is!" I jumped onto the picnic table and picked up a piece of pizza. Naruto ran forward and tackled me to the ground, smearing the cupcake across my neck. In return, I slapped him in the face with the pizza and held it there.<br>"JEEZ! THAT'S HOT!" naruto screamed, backing off of me and wiping the steaming sauce out of his eyes.  
>"TOLD YOU!" I got up and picked up a ketchup bottle. Naruto recovered quick and grabbed the pudding.<p>

Why hadn't I grabbed the pudding!

We lunged at each other, I squeezed the ketchup bottle and covered Naruto's orange tank top with the salty, red goo. Naruto stuck his hand inside the container of pudding and smeared it across my Sum 41 shirt, he also managed to smear some through my hair. So I squirted ketchup into his mouth. He spit it back at me and I put ketchup in my hand, slapping him in the forehead with it. Naruto growled and stepped back.

As soon as this happened, I tossed the ketchup aside and stuck my hand inside the ice cream container, grabbing a cold glob and Naruto ran at me. He dodged my ice cream attack but I managed to push him and hold him against the picnic table on his chest while I grabbed another.

"Kiba, don't do it!" Naruto yowled, trying to knock me back. But I pressed the ice cream against the back of his head and he yowled, "THAT'S COLD!".  
>Naruto managed to flip over, but not get me off him. Little did I know, he had been sliding one hand around behind his back and had gotten hold of a milkshake.<br>All I could see was that he stopped flailing.  
>"Kiba, I give up." He said blankly.<br>I raised an eyebrow "What? Already?"  
>He smiled, "NOPE"<br>I was tried to jump back but Naruto was too quick, he lifted the glass up and dumped it all over my head. I felt it run down my back, some had fallen forward and ended up dripping off my bangs onto Naruto's chest. Again, the shock of how FRICKIN' cold it was made me lose my guard and Naruto slid out from under me.

"AGAIN!" I yelled, brushing my freezing cold, chocolate-soaked hair out of my face, "no mercy now, you idiot! THIS IS WAR!"  
>I saw Naruto run off, carrying something else in his arms, I couldn't see what it was but it looked kinda like a trump card.<br>I had to get him back, he already soaked me with a milkshake twice, splattered my shirt with pudding and got frosting all over my neck. Ha, but I got steaming pizza sauce in his eyes, frozen ice cream down his neck and ketchup all over him! We were about equal now, but I** had** to win. I **had** to turn him into a walking, squealing chili dog or something like it.

So I raided my house for something to get him with. Akamaru, who had been napping upstairs, heard me come in and nearly leaped onto me. He was desperate to start licking the pudding off my shirt but I pushed him off. And that's when I saw the cake.  
>The cake<strong>.<strong>  
>A big, vanilla cake with sticky red icing. We were gonna save it for the party but honestly, we had enough sweets!<p>

So I grabbed it, it was in a box. And I sped outside, looking around carefully in case he had something planned. I hid in the bushes near the hose. It would be so easy, he'd run by and I'd smash him right in the head with it. I was gonna smear it all over him until he cried for mercy! It was the ultimate weapon.

Naruto on the other hand was pretty stealthy too. He was in the woods filling water balloons with chocolate sauce and root beer, both which had been taken out of the cooler. He had about 20 and was gonna _cover_ me. Of course, I didn't even know we had any water balloons left, so I was kinda clueless about what he was going to do.  
>But when he was all loaded up, he ran out into the yard and I saw him right away.<p>

His shirt was filled with water balloons and he was looking around, "alright, Kiba! I know you're hiding! But either way, you're doomed!' he yelled aloud. He began to walk in a circle.

But just my luck, Akamaru ran outside and knew exactly where I was. He wanted the pudding on my shirt. I knew he was gonna rat me out so I just ran for it.

Speeding at Naruto with the un-boxed cake under my arm carefully, Naruto turned around.

We both let out battle cries.

Naruto brought a chocolate sauce filled balloon back and he flung it at me, it hit and heavily splattered my left arm but I kept running. He threw a root beer one at my face, it popped right in my eyes and the fizzing started to bite at them. I couldnt see. But I kept running. Naruto then began to rapidly throw balloons, popping them mostly on my shirt, pants and neck.

Then I dove forward, taking the cake and smashing it right into his face, pieces of it going everywhere as I had planned. He fell backwards and I fell on top of him, the rest of the balloons he had in his shirt smashed between us. I looked down at his cake covered face and was immediately punched with a ketchup covered fist; right in the side of the head.

I saw stars for a few seconds, and I toppled over onto my side. My jaw throbbing. Naruto sat up and wiped a clump of frosting off his cheek, and actually started to eat it. I looked up at him, "d-dude, you punched me. This was a food fight, not a legit one…"

Naruto huffed and ignored the comment, he just picked up a balloon that had survived and held it over my face.  
>"Don't do it, man." I warned, my head spinning.<br>Naruto smirked, then brought it over his own head, opening his mouth and popping it. It had root beer in it, which he happily drank. He wiped more cake from his face and ate that.  
>I managed to sit up, "you're so weird" I muttered<br>I put my hand over where he had hit me and noticed red liquid coming from it. My first thought was that it was blood, but then I realized it was just ketchup.

Naruto then looked back at me and smiled, "who won?"  
>"I think I did, but let's make it a tie." I chuckled, reaching for his face and wiping a huge glob of frosting off his nose and smeared it over mine. "There."<br>But Naruto shook his head, "nononono, that's not how you do it." he reached behind himself and pulled out two surviving chocolate sauce balloons. He handed one to me. "This is how you end a food fight." He said, holding it over my head again. He gestured for me to do the same over his head.  
>"On the count of three!" Naruto said.<br>"One!"  
>"Two!"<br>"Three!" I cheered.

We crushed the chocolate sauce balloons on each other's heads. The sticky but sweet ice cream topping dripped down through our hair and down our necks. It freakin' sucked, but we just stared at each other smiling. "Game over!" we burst into a fit of laughter.

It was game over alright. The sound of two cars was heard in the drive way. And Naruto and I just froze. Uh-oh. We'd forgotten the whole reason why we had all this food on our shirts and faces.

"WHAT ARE YOU IDIOTS DOING!" Sakura screamed from the driveway, running up to us with Ino by her side. The guys following behind them.

I was first to speak, putting a hand on my sticky neck I smiled, "setting out all the food?"

Ino, my girlfriend, stomped over to me and huffed, "yeah right, Kiba. How did we NOT see this coming?"

Shikamaru and Sasuke facepalmed, Choji was totally ignoring the scene and was at the picnic table already and Naruto just held out a handful of his facecake , "want some?"

Sakura rolled her eyes, ignoring Naruto's offer and then glanced at the garden hose that was coiled up behind us, "I think you boys know what you need to do now."

Naruto looked back at me, and I looked at him. "uh-oh"

**EPILOGUE**

"Mmm, these are some good milkshakes! Huh, guys?" Sakura smiled, taking a little sip of hers.  
>"Oh yeah." Ino and Shikamaru agreed. Sasuke grunted.<br>Choji shoved another handful of chips into his mouth and ate loudly.

Then Sakura turned around, "How you doing over there boys?" she called.

"G-g-good" I shivered, "except this loser w-wont stop SPRAYING ME ON JET!"  
>Naruto laughed; cake still falling off his face at times.<br>We were stripped down to our underwear taking turns washing each other off with a FREAKING HOSE. A little mud puddle forming in the grass beneath us. All thanks to Sakura!  
>Naruto cranked the garden hose up higher and cold water slapped my back.<br>"YAAAGH! Knock it off!" I yelled.  
>"No! Now turn around and let me get your head!" Naruto demanded<br>"ABSOLUTELY NOT! I'll w-wash my own hair, d-dumbass. I a-aint trustin' you no m-more with a h-hose!" I turned around and shielded my face as I walked up to him. But sprayed me in the crotch, making me double over and turn red.  
>"Kiba, you had a little accident." He giggled.<br>"That's IT! Y-your t-turn! G-give me the hose!" I stepped on the hose so he couldn't get me, and I yanked it out of his hands.  
>Naruto winced, "p-please don't hurt me" he squealed.<br>"No promises!" I smirked, taking my foot off the hose and blasting all the cake off his body with one simple spray.  
>"YAAAHAAAHAAA!" naruto screamed.<p>

Sakura chuckled, "so, how was your day today Sasuke?"  
>The Uchiha closed his eyes, "….my pizza's cold."<p>

_((A.N.: Ah, Kiba and naruto are such goofs. Didn't I tell you it was gonna be messy? well, maybe I didnt word it like that..._  
><em>FAVE AND REVIEW IF YOU LIEKED IT! Or else I'll make you a walking chili dog! HAVE A NICE DAY, YOU FUNNY KID))<em>


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